Rehearsal

Pairing: AJ/Brian
Rated: PG-13
Written For: Jamie, as part of the Make The Yuletide Gay popslash secret santa

It was the black nails. It was the heavy rings, the obnoxious black jelly bracelets like he was some goth high schooler. The torn jeans, the tattoos. The wallet chains, the laugh. The way he was sober, the way he'd been drinking when he was six years underage. The way he smiled when he was so tired he could barely stand and kept practicing anyway. The way the sweat looked on his skin. The way his hips moved, the way his voice sounded, like it had been ripped out all the time.

Yeah, he was feelin' it.

“Hey. Hey, how you holdin' up?”

The way his voice sounded – all husky, rough, cigarettes and no more alcohol, not ever again.

“Yeah, I'm good, AJ. Thanks. How 'bout you?”

He ran his hands through his hair – it was the black nails, heavy rings, obnoxious black jelly bracelets, tattoos, sweat on his skin.

“Yeah, me, too.” He actually popped an invisible collar. “Gettin' all sexy again, gotta look good for the ladies.” He walked away, holding his imaginary collar up with his hands.

As AJ walked away... yeah, it was the ass, too. Nobody really thought he looked, but yeah. He looked. He was a man, wasn't he? His white wifebeater was soaked through with sweat, sticking to tan skin and muscles and spine. AJ wanted to drag his tongue up the center of his back, trace the curves and the lines one by one up into Brian's neck. Brian would shiver and shudder and his back would arch away, but his head would tilt back. And AJ could wrap his arms around Brian's body. And he could kiss his neck, and slip his hand up Brian's tank.

Instead, he asked how Brian was feeling. It had been about four years since Black & Blue, with the Up Close and Person

****

Brian was crouched down at the edge of the stage, panting, looking exhausted. al Tour about to start, and then Never Gone in the works for after that. They were all working pretty hard. It wasn't like AJ was just being a coward or anything. Because he was braver than that.

He could get tattoos. He could get sober. He could talk to any woman in the world. He just wanted to know how Brian was holding up more than he wanted to, say, sit behind him on the stage and prop him up just in case he wasn't doing okay. He wasn't a coward.

And then Brian asked how he was doing, and he said. He said things that may have implied a lack of attraction to Brian. Even though, y'know, anyone with eyes could tell otherwise. Maybe it was the staring. Just maybe.

But then AJ really was gonna do the hugging and caressing business – except he didn't. There was just wasn't enough time. Really. There wasn't. AJ needed to stretch some more before they started rehearsal again. Quads, calves, biceps, triceps. That kind of stuff. Except for the part where AJ didn't even know where his quads were.

But no one else needed to know that. Really.

And then another five minutes had gone by. And then they were back into rehearsal, practicing the routine for “All I Have to Give”. And then they were back into – well. AJ was back into it. Staring at Brian from the corner of his eye, watching his ass when he bent. Clinging to Brian, when he could. Skidding to his knees in front of him, all theatrical, during “As Long As You Love Me”. And again during “I'll Never Break Your Heart”, and then later during “Quit Playin' Games (With My Heart)”. But before deciding it would be fun to grind against Brian during “Poster Girl”.

And not before seeing how much fun it was when Brian played along.

“Why, AJ! I wasn't expecting this at all. But I'm so pleased to except your proposal, darling. Do you wanna have the wedding in May? It would be lovely, baby.”

Mock stage banter.

And not before seeing how much fun it was to see Kevin torn between laughing and beating his head against a wall. Kevin had cooled off a lot. He'd been doing a lot of yoga with Kristin over the break, something like that. He'd implied something about way too bendy shit that AJ had never wanted to imagine – not about Kevin anyway. That cousin of his, though.

He'd take yoga classes with Brian any day.

Kev, though. He had other shit to worry about – like Justin slipping in through the back doors of the arena. Justin had taken a seat in the middle of the stands. He was staring at Nick like he was good enough to eat – or just ravish in public. Hell if that wouldn't do the old man's blood pressure in once and for all.

Just think – old Kev wasn't even forty yet.

Maybe Kevin should try karate instead of yoga. AJ heard it was great for releasing stress.

Whatever, at least Nick's preoccupation with his boyfriend was keeping Kevin's eyes off of AJ molesting his cousin. And, you know, maybe not entirely joking around with it. Whatever, at least Brian hadn't shoved him off yet or anything like that.

But, after “Poster Girl”, Brian announced to the stadium's empty chairs and Justin that, unfortunately, AJ just found it so hard to control himself.

“If he doesn't get his act together, he might not be able to wear a white dress on our wedding day! Isn't it awful? We might have to have Kevin restrain him.”

And Kevin, on cue, loomed threateningly behind AJ.

Not that Kevin was all that intimidating or anything. Not at all. Especially when he was more distracted by Nick being distracted by Justin. Maybe no one had ever passed on the message – it really wasn't Kevin's duty to keep the public thinking they were all straight.

Well, maybe that was what was on Kevin's mind. Or maybe it was just how it would sort of... corrupt their still mostly pristine image if their youngest member was outed because he was having wild, exhibitionist gay sex with a former member of *NSYNC. You know, the one who used to be jailbait? The one who was becoming a very successful solo artist?

It might just put a dent in their album sales.

And Justin's, but whatever. AJ had a feeling that Kevin wouldn't be feeling too sympathetic if that went down.

****

It wasn't fair. It just – really wasn't fair. Nobody should be forced to put up with somebody as criminally hot as AJ grinding all up on him that way. Not on a stage, not in front of his cousin, and not in front of his two other best friends. God, what if AJ did it the next night, up in front of a couple thousand people?

Brian didn't think he'd be able to fend off a hard-on with a couple jokes again. He knew AJ wasn't wearing any white at his wedding, if AJ ever even got married. That hadn't been on the table since AJ was sixteen.

Not that Brian... liked the idea that AJ had, uh, more experience than he did. Of course not.

Not that that was what he'd be saying later, pinned up against the back of AJ's hotel room door.

It was the black nails, the heavy rings, the shredded jeans, the wicked-sweet voice, the wallet chain, the laugh. The way he'd been drinking when he was six years underage and the way he was sober now. It was the smile and the teeth marks that make-up would be covering up before they did press in the morning. It was the way he felt, all pressed up against Brian's body like that. It was the way he snuck up behind Brian in the bathroom the next morning and licked his ear and made Brian squeak. And it was the way he laughed at it so hard he fell backwards. And it was the way that AJ draped himself over Brian's body after that.

And it was Brian's blonde curls, sweat-soaked tan skin, shirt sticking to his body. It was the way he giggled instead of laughing and dressed more for comfort than style. It was the way he sang his heart out because it gave him his soul. It was the way he leaned back into AJ, all the time, every time AJ touched him. It was the way he didn't wear eyeliner and the way he did wear a cross. It was the Kentucky in his voice, in his family. It was the way Brian was his best friend and his bandmate and his lover.

It was everything, all the years, all the rehearsals, all the want and the lust and the love and everything that had ever been denied.

And it was everything that wasn't being denied any more.